I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
