Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
