I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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