Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
