Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
