Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
