margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
