Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
