she was so not down for the gang bang
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
