What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
