I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We are two peas in an std pod
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
