I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
