He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
