I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize