i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
our cab driver is having phone sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
