i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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