just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
