but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
