I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
