dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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