I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
