Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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