I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
