So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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