ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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