So drunk its hurt
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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