I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
