I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
