that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
