so let's talk penis.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
