I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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