you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
