i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
