Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
