dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
