haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize