This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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