I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
