i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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