My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
