i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
