cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
