Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
