You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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