i jhust puked up my retainher.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
