I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
