i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
