Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
