hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
