Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
