Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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