oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
