Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
