i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
