i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the condom got lost in my hair
false alarm. still invincible.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
