dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
