yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
