you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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