just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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