you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
