I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i permit you to call me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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