I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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