my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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