My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
