I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
