I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
