I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My cat gives me a boner
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
