He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize
