Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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