he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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